At our wedding a guest asked, “So, are you going to change your name?” My response was, “Um. No. Why would I do that?” In fact, the day I married the man I’d loved for more than 15 years, the last thing on my mind was changing my name. And then Prop 8 passed.
I believed that in spite of no specific mention of retroactive annulment of existing same sex marriages, allowing both Prop 8 and the marriages to stand would create yet another class of citizen – married same sex couples vs non-married same sex couples. The easy way out seems to be to annul the marriages so that all same sex couples are treated equally under the law. I hope I’m wrong.
But faced with the idea that the state may annul my marriage, I started to think about my name. When my mom married my dad, she took his name. Regardless of having a new name, she did have a new identity — her husband’s wife. And my dad also had a new identity — his wife’s husband. But to the public, sharing one name made a statement of family and of unity. Around Thanksgiving, I started asking friends and family what they thought. Almost universally, I got a thumbs-up. People were excited for me because they understood what sort of statement I was making by sharing a name with my sweetie. I was making a statement of family and of unity.
So last week I went to the Social Security office in downtown San Diego. I plunked my marriage license down at the window, explained that I’d been married some months ago, and that I was just getting around to changing my name, as if it were the most natural, expected course of action. She typed some information into a computer, gave me something to sign and along with a letter confirming my new name. It was that easy. I hopped on the bus and went to DMV. A short wait later, Ms. DMV changed the name on my driver’s license (new picture too!).
How do I feel now? Terrific. In love. Rejuvenated. Renewed. I’m “the other Mr. Yoshida,” and I’m loving it. I just got my new ATM card with my new name. When I call the bank the agents call me “Mr. Yoshida,” and it still feels new and fun. I’m starting to get mail in my new name. Most of all, I feel embraced. My friends, family and the clients of my accounting and tax firm have all been absolutely terrific. They get it. They know why this symbol of my love for my partner, sweetie, husband, is a good, stabilizing thing in my relationship and in our community. I hope that people who want to make these kinds of changes know that the response is likely to be positive and supportive.
